Is your baby normal? Probably. But you can’t be sure until you measure him up against typical developmental milestones. For every minute of your baby’s life, there’s a milestone he’s supposed to be working on, such as the ability to smile, clap his hands, or announcing that he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore. If he hasn’t reached the milestone by the average age, then you as Mom are authorized to freak out, complain to Grandma, and call your pediatrician. Chances are your baby is perfectly normal and just thinks clapping is embarrassing.
But unfortunately, it’s extremely difficult to get accurate information on developmental milestones. The charts you’ll find in most baby books are, I’m sorry to say, sadly lacking. If you need real information on the developmental milestones that most people won’t tell you, then you’ve come to the right place.
Please keep in mind that this is just an overview. Many important milestones are missing. Also, remember that ages are an average range. Failure to achieve milestones by a specific age does not indicate anything about your baby’s development. If you have any concerns, talk to your pediatrician.
“The Worm Stage”
Age: 0 – 1 year
Accomplishments: lying on the floor like a worm, rolling over like a rolling worm, wiggling across the floor like a worm, flailing arms and legs unlike a worm which doesn’t have arms or legs, crawling like a worm would if it had arms and legs.
“The Zombie Stage”
Age: 1-2 years
Accomplishments: Walking in a stiff, hesitant, zombie-like manner; talking, sort of, usually only one word at a time, usually a noun expressing a desire (i.e., “Cooooooookiiiiiiiieeeeee…”; reaching arms toward said desired object; following desired object with zombie-like singlemindedness; limited attention span and easy distractability.
“The Monster Stage”
Age: 2-3 years
Accomplishments: Screaming for long periods of time without pausing to breathe; hitting, kicking, and biting; making friends with other monsters and then hitting, kicking, and biting them.
“The Human Stage”
Age: 4 years
Accomplishments: Negotiating; using logic and reason to achieve goals; only biting or hitting with significant provocation and good reason, like really, really wanting another cupcake.
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